Natural and Free......Freedom TO BE ME

Freedom to be ME

I honestly believe only those who have entered into the 'natural community' truly understand the liberating feeing that comes along with embracing and celebrating our natural beauty and hair. For so many years, I was a slave to the creamy crack. I HAD to perm my edges, I HAD to get at that 'kitchen' in the back, and I HAD to have my roots layed down as not to show an inch of crinkle or curl.

How frustrating it became to me over the years to constantly reverse what my natural curl pattern was trying to do. I was born with this crinkle, with this curl. The question began to occur to me over time "why must you relax your hair-what is wrong with your natural hair". That thought resonated with me until I finally did the big chop in 1999 for the last time.I'd done it some years before, but being the slave to the box of Dark and Lovely or whatever else was on sale, I had to have a texturizer in it, so I wasn't completely natural.

Anyway, after watching  my conscious brothers and sisters rock their locs, their dreds, their teeny weeny afro's, I decided to lay outside the temptation to relax and to walk into the freedom and calling of celebrating my natural curl. So many times, I wanted to throw the perm away or put away the extensions, but there was a part of me that felt like I'd be less attractive, less beautiful if I did. All the magazines and the popular television shows and video's depicted women of color with long flowing bone straight hair and  weaves and attachments. Rarely would I find a woman sporting an afro, a twist out or a puff, and hardly ever would I see a sister wearing her hair adorned with her natural beautiful locs unless it was specifically called for.

As a member of the reggae community and live music scene that thrived in Cleveland in the late 80's and 90's, I knew well many of them on the set who had been liberated for years. I admired them and celebrated their independence, their willingness to not conform and fit in to the norm of what was considered beautiful or acceptable. I respected that.

For some, they did it because it was a cosmetic statement. It looked good or it was low maintenance; easy to take care of. For others, it involved more specific, more intense and personal reasons. I fit into the latter category.

The call to my naturalness was one that was born out of a need to be transformed. It was a pulling on my spirit that continued to whisper in my ear..'the time is now'.

My becoming one with self meant forsaking a lifestyle; one that was unhealthy and unfruitful and aligning myself with the me that I believed God was calling me into.

Harmony within and abroad.Wholeness and cleanliness. It was during this time of a re-birthing of sorts that I began to read and study the scriptures with more passion and diligence. A specific passage which spoke to me with great emphasis can be found in the 6th chapter of the Book of Numbers, The Law of the Nazarite. The vows the Nazarites took in devotion to God were of great sacrifice, but willingly taken nonetheless. Of the vows they swore to live by, one included not cutting the locs of their hair. Abstaining from strong drink and living a clean life were things I were striving to do. Being a smoker for several years meant that I needed to remove that and 'other' toxic things from my life. The call I felt on me to walk away 'from' and 'into' a new life was fueled by my desire to please God and part of that for me meant throwing the comb away and allowing the part of me that wanted to encompass all of what I'd found in the past to be ugly, unappreciated and unworthy to be FREE.

I gave up smoking,drinking and a lifestyle of toxic behavior and relationships. I also began the journey of locking my hair. That was in 2002.

I've not ever regretted the decision.

The freedom I have is immeasurable. The love I have for self is overflowing and the journey to discovering it all has been enriching. Oh how I appreciate the journey, the ride...

Any sister who has made that decision and walks in the liberty of loving her self, her body, her hair, her natural self..can understand the freedom I write about; for to fully comprehend these things, a level of acceptance and self appreciation has to be made. Coming to terms with the kinks, excuse the pun, the issues, the isms and schisms, etc, all of which can keep us from developing into the beautiful loving creatures we're meant to be.

Self awareness keeps us honest and makes us accountable. When I look at the ends of these locs, it reminds me of where I've come from and of the progress I've made.

It has been good. It has been fruitful...

Selah